


that's when it all went to hell

by coco



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asshole!Ciel, Explicit Language, Kissing, M/M, Older Ciel and Sebastian, PTA Meetings, Some Fluff, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4434692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coco/pseuds/coco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lizzy asks Ciel if he could be her stand-in at a PTA meeting and everything goes exactly as expected: to shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	that's when it all went to hell

**Author's Note:**

> Because I was in the mood for assholes in love ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ inspired by [this](http://iamnotamuffin.tumblr.com/post/114710234007/important-otp-question-which-one-aggressively)
> 
> this story got away from me sO QUICKLY OH MY GOD 3K+ WORDS OF UTTER PTA MEETING SEBACIEL RIDICULOUSNESS
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.sebocchan.tumblr.com)

_This was a bad idea_ , Sebastian thought to himself as he watched the scene play out in front of him; it was like watching a car crash—too horrible to watch but too interesting to look away from. _This was a very, very bad idea._

This morning started out fine, very fine. Sebastian had woken up to Ciel’s warm body pressed against his, the younger man drooling on Sebastian’s bare chest while his arms and legs were wrapped around the older man’s body in a vague interpretation of an octopus. They had a nice breakfast—Sebastian had steeped some of Ciel’s favorite tea to accompany their breakfast, which consisted of toast with jam, a poached egg, and baked beans. They cleaned up the kitchen together and had shared a few kisses along the way, which eventually lead to them acting out a certain activity on against the dining table. _A very fine morning indeed._

Lizzie had called Ciel around noon to ask a favor of him, apologizing profusely over the phone for calling on such short notice and on Ciel’s day off, which Ciel waved off immediately. 

Ciel loved his cousin, Lizzy; Ciel is an only child so growing up, he and Lizzy were practically inseparable, always doing everything together, sharing the same experiences with each other. Ciel didn’t consider Lizzy as his cousin, always stating that she felt more like a sister than a cousin to him and so he referred to her as such, just as he referred to Lizzy’s daughter, Sully, as his niece.

Lizzie had called Ciel almost on the brink of hysteria, asking if he would be able to attend a PTA meeting as a stand-in for her; something had come up at work and she could not get out of it. Ciel agreed immediately, giving Sebastian a wide grin and wiggling his eyebrows. _And that_ , Sebastian frowned, _is where it all went to hell._

It started out great, a little boring and monotonous, but great nonetheless. And then Ciel opened his mouth. 

Thinking about it, the meeting had started out smoothly at first: Ciel had asked an innocent question— _‘Why is only one person in charge of bringing snacks to the meeting?’_ —and an older, middle-aged woman, Helen, had innocently replied— _‘Oh, it’s always been that way, sweetheart. I’ve put four kids through this school and I’ve been ‘The Treat Mom’ ever since then.’_ She put on a fake laugh but knowing his boyfriend, and boy did Sebastian know him, he knew that Ciel would not be thrown off so easily. _‘Well,’_ Ciel had started out slowly, _‘wouldn’t it be better if everyone brought a few treats every week? Kind of live up to the ‘committee’ part of ‘PTA committee’?’_ , to which Helen replied, a little tightly, _‘I don’t think so; baking is a very hard thing to do, very time consuming and I wouldn’t want to impose such a task on others. Besides, it’s my job.’_ The smile Ciel had on his face had started to crack a little: _‘I’m sure everyone appreciates the work that you do, Helen, but all I’m saying is—’_ , and then Helen had done a very stupid thing, in Sebastian’s opinion, by cut off Ciel and saying, in a very condescending tone, _‘Well, it doesn’t really matter what you think here, Mr. Phantomhive, because you are just a guest at this meeting and we only take in the suggestions of actual parents, not stand-ins.’_ Everything went downhill from there.

Miss Janis, the PTA committee’s secretary, peered nervously at the faces of the parents before her, her eyes jumping over Ciel and Helen. Sebastian could cut the tension in the room with a knife and not have left a dent—it was _that_ thick. “If nobody else would like to say some—”

“I would like to say something!” Ciel raised his hand immediately, almost falling out of the plastic chair. 

Sebastian groaned quietly beside him, already sensing the ass kicking that was about to happen. “Of course you do.”

Miss Janis looked over the rim of her glasses— _such a sweet soul_ , Sebastian mused—before regarding Ciel with an amused expression. “Mr. Phantomhive, we’ve already explained to you that you don’t have to rai—”

“Sorry, sorry, it’s a habit.” Ciel flapped his hand to dismiss the comment, vicious blue eyes immediately cutting towards the middle aged woman from before, Helen. He jabbed a finger in her direction. “I don’t believe this woman should be in charge of the PTA treats anymore; my niece almost had to have her stomach pumped because those rocks she calls brownies blocked her intestines!” 

_Okay, it wasn’t that bad,_ Sebastian thought in amusement. _Just a small stomachache from eating too many sweets…sweets that a certain someone gave to her when they weren’t supposed to._

Helen immediately stood up, stooping over Ciel’s smaller stature. “That is a complete lie! Lizzy never said—”

“What was she supposed to say?” Ciel yelled back, fists at his sides as he stood on his toes. “ _‘Thanks for the brownies, Helen, by the way, here’s my daughter’s hospital bill’?!_ ”

Helen opened her mouth to retort but shut it quickly, the clicking of her teeth audible throughout the entire cafeteria, which had gone eerily silent. Sebastian glanced around and saw that everyone was staring at the duo, all eyes wide and weirdly unblinking.

Helen turned towards Miss Janis, pointing a finger over her shoulder at Ciel. “Why is he still here? He isn’t even part of the PTA committee, so he should have no say in what we do or how the PTA meetings are run! He is just here to cause trouble!”

“‘Cause trouble?’ What am I, a third grader being written up by a teacher?” Ciel laughed, throwing his head back. “You and your baking skills are a joke, Helen.”

Helen immediately rounded on Ciel. Sebastian sprung out of his seat in a heartbeat and blocked her way towards his boyfriend. Helen was fuming, pressing against Sebastian’s hands to glare at Ciel over his shoulder. “ _Listen here, you bastard, I—_ ”

“Mrs. Shepherd!” Miss Janis’s shocked voice rang out loudly throughout the cafeteria, all eyes shifting towards her. The old woman was bracing herself against the table, glaring daggers at Helen through her thick-rimmed glasses. Her face was flushed and her hair looked disheveled, as if she had been nervously running her hands through it multiple times. _Probably trying to find away to break this mess up,_ Sebastian mused. “We do not tolerate that kind of behavior here; as a long term member of this committee, I would have thought you to know this by heart but as I can see, you’re just as impolite and childish as our younger students! At least they have the excuse of being young and naive, but you, Mrs. Shepherd, you should know better and be setting a better example for not only your children, but for your fellow peers here.”

Helen whipped around, face flushed and body trembling. “But he—”

Miss Janis quieted her down with a glare. “Unlike you, Mr. Phantomhive was of no disturbance to us; he was quite helpful in today’s meetings by sharing his opinions with us on how we can better this school and in turn, help our children and students succeed. Just because you do not agree with his ideas does not mean you can spew filth towards him or any of our future guests, for that matter. Your uncivilized behavior will not be overlooked, Mrs. Shepherd.”

Sebastian could practically feel Ciel’s smug smirk burning against his back as Helen was called towards the center desk, no doubt probably being stripped of whatever rights she had. Sebastian turned around and picked up Ciel’s bag, slinging it over his shoulder. _Better make an exit while Miss Janis thinks we’re civilized adults._

Both Sebastian and Ciel excused themselves before making their way towards the door, Sebastian a little more urgently than Ciel.

They were so close, so close to walking out with their heads held high; they would be acting like civilized adults for once in their lives. But of course, God hates them, and he purposely placed a plate of Helen’s brownies on the table near the door. Sebastian isn’t old by any means, but he is no spring chicken either—his reflexes aren’t what they used to be—so when Ciel reached a hand out and smacked the plate of brownies into the trashcan, Sebastian was already mentally half way through planning an escape route.

Everyone immediately turned to look at them, thinking they had left already, only to see Sebastian lunge forward and wrap his arms around Ciel’s waist when the younger man started to head back towards the group of bewildered adults. 

Ciel jabbed a finger at the trashcan. “ _Where they belong!_ ” 

Ciel then kicked out a leg—for what purpose, Sebastian had no clue.

Sebastian clamped his hand over Ciel’s mouth and pressed him close to his chest, already starting to walk them backwards.

“You’re going to have to excuse my boyfriend here, he can get a little…colorful at times. Hope you guys solve this treat problem.” Sebastian placated, tightening his arms when Ciel started to wiggle against him, his angry curses muffled by Sebastian’s hand. He started throwing charming smiles at all the parents, especially at sweet Miss Janis because she didn’t deserve this, until they were outside. Ciel tore himself from Sebastian’s grasp and marched towards the parking lot.

“We’re going to adopt a kid!” Ciel called over his shoulder at Sebastian, hands in tight fists at his sides.

Sebastian’s paused for a few seconds, looking questioningly at Ciel’s retreating back before he started walking again. “Are we now?”

“Yes!” Ciel jabbed a finger in the air. “We’re going to adopt some kid that’s old enough to be enrolled here and I’m going to march inside that stupid cafeteria, right up to Helen’s stupid face and—”

Sebastian quickly caught up to Ciel and pulled his fuming boyfriend to his side. “You want to adopt a kid just to piss off Helen?”

“I’d do many things to piss off Helen,” Ciel leered, leaning into Sebastian’s side. 

“You’re crazy.” Sebastian laughed, leading them towards their parked car. Ciel got in without a word, closing the door harshly and wrestling the seatbelt on. Sebastian smiled fondly and walked around the car to do the same. Well, in a more civilized manner.

He started the car and was pulling out of the parking lot when Ciel’s cellphone rang. Ciel held it out towards him without a word, still pouting. Sebastian sighed and answered without glancing at the caller ID, pressing the phone against his ear. “Hello?”

“Uh oh, if you’re answering Ciel’s phone, something must have happened.” A sweet voice on the other end mused.

“Hello, Lizzy.” Sebastian gave a genuine smile, as if the young woman were right there. He glanced over at Ciel, who was pointedly looking out the window. “I guess you can say that.”

Lizzy laughed on the other end. “How did it go?”

Sebastian glanced again at the still-fuming Ciel in the passenger seat before turning on his blinker and switching lanes. “Better than expected, actually; Ciel only said half of his more colorful vocabulary today.”

“What?” Lizzy actually sounded surprised. “I was almost completely sure Ciel would have burned the school to the ground by now.”

“Oh, trust me, he was working up to that.” Sebastian sighed over the phone, glancing up at the rearview mirror, going over the meeting and trying to summarize it. “There were some…complications…with a mother. Her and Ciel got into an argument about the food served at the meeting; Ciel offered to have different parents bring in treats—kind of have them rotate every week—and that’s where everything went to hell.”

The line was quiet for a few seconds, which had Sebastian call the young woman’s name a few times to make sure the call hadn’t ended by accident. “It was that bitch Helen, wasn’t it?” 

Sebastian pulled the phone away from his ear; he had _never_ heard Lizzie sounds so venomous. It was hard to imagine the sweet little thing talk in anything but an equally sweet tone. “How did you know it was Helen?”

Ciel snatched the phone from Sebastian before the older man could even blink. “ _Yes, it was fucking Helen!_ ”

Sebastian heard Lizzie’s muffled voice over the phone, talking in an equally loud tone as Ciel. He was still a bit surprised at the blonde’s angry tone; he’s known Lizzy for many years and he had never once heard her speak that way, nor was he aware that she even _could_ speak that way. _This family just never stops being interesting,_ Sebastian smirked.

“I didn’t even go in looking for a fight, it’s a freaking PTA meeting held in an elementary school’s cafeteria for Christ’s sake,” Ciel groaned, reclining in his seat and pinching the bridge of his small nose. Lizzie spoke over the phone for a few minutes before Ciel shot up in his seat, startling Sebastian. “That’s what started this! Seba— _Sebastian_!” He flapped his hand at the older man until dark wine-colored eyes slid over to him. “Lizzy said she does this at every meeting, picking fights with the other parents who bring up the treat topic! _She’s a repeat offender!_ ”

Sebastian made a noise to show he had listened to Ciel, his eyes focusing back onto the road ahead of him. Ciel clicked his tongue at him. The call continued for a few more minutes—Ciel asked Lizzy how she was doing, how Sully, his little sweet pea, was doing and if she had any trouble with her homework, to call him ASAP—before Ciel promised Lizzy he would call her tomorrow and tell her everything about the disaster that had happened. He ended the call and threw his phone back in his bag.

“You never stop surprising me, baby,” Sebastian smiled, his tone teasing. “Just when I think you’ve done it all—yelled at your teachers, yelled at people on the sidewalk, yelled at wildlife animals—you go and surprise me with this: yelled at a mom during a PTA meeting.”

“You knew what you were getting into when you started harassing me in school,” Ciel grumbled, surveying the trees passing by through his window. “You know I won’t and don’t take anything lying down.”

Sebastian smirked, glancing at Ciel through the corner of his eye before focusing back on the road. There were some things Ciel did do and take laying down. This morning, for example; it was a very, _very_ fine morning. “Well—”

“Don’t even start, Michaelis.” Ciel huffed, focusing on Sebastian’s reflection in the window and glaring at it; he knew where Sebastian’s train of thought was headed. “This isn’t the first altercation I’ve had and it certainly won’t be the last; there’s too many stupid assholes in the world for that to be possible.”

“Oh, I know. I know that very well,” Sebastian smirked, his mind immediately replaying his courting days with Ciel. “I distinctly remember what you said to me on our first date, when you ended up getting into a fight with the bouncer at the club we went to when he thought you were underage.”

“How the fuck did he think I was twelve years old; he literally saw me driving the car to and from the club.” Ciel grumbled. He shook his head slightly and glanced at Sebastian, memories of their first date clear as day in his mind. He gave a tiny smile. “What did I say?”

Sebastian sighed dramatically. “Well, you said a lot that day, but after we had gotten back inside the car, you looked at me—you were still so angry, I swear you had steam coming out of your ears—and said, ‘ _what you see is what you get; take it or leave it,_ ’ and I knew in that moment that I had to take it, take you and keep you forever.”

Ciel tried to keep the stupid smile off his face, and failed miserably. He reached over and pried one of the hands Sebastian had on the steering wheel, and laced it with his own; he tucked them inside his jacket, keeping them warm. “You’re such a sap sometimes, it’s ridiculous, Michaelis.”

Sebastian smiled and squeezed Ciel’s hand. The rest of the car ride had a comfortable silence between them, Ciel idly stroking his thumb against Sebastian’s as Sebastian took the long way home. After a few moments, Ciel shifted in his seat, turning to face Sebastian with wide blue eyes.

Sebastian sighed, knowing this look far too well. “What do you want now?”

Ciel smirked, his lips curling at the edges in a way that made Sebastian feel a little anxious. Nothing good ever came from that look. _Nothing._ “Do you think your friend Grell would let me adopt her kid, just for a few days? Or a month or two, depending on how things go?”

Immediately suspicious, Sebastian furrowed his eyebrows. “Ronald? Why would you…Ciel, no.”

Ciel huffed. “You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“You want to get back at Helen; why else would you want to adopt, who I am very sure, is Satan’s spawn?” Sebastian asked, glancing over at Ciel. _Utterly ridiculous._ “I have yet to figure out how he managed to scratch the side of my car without leaving the house that one time. No fuckin’ way is that kid coming into our house; it’s either me or Satan’s offspring, and he doesn’t pay rent so it’s me.”

“But Sebastian!” Ciel whined, throwing himself back in his seat. “He’s perfect for what I have planned! Grell wouldn’t mind; she loves us!”

“Yeah, I know she wouldn’t mind, that’s why I’m saying no—because _I_ mind!” Sebastian turned into their neighborhood and pulled into the driveway. He got out of the car and went to open Ciel’s door, helping him get out. “Let it go, Ciel; it’s over, the favor is done. You won’t have to see her anymore after this.”

“I’ll still see her every time I go and pick up Sully from school!” Ciel whined as he let Sebastian lead him towards the front door. “I’ll have to watch her pick up her kids, knowing she’s got her nasty Betty Crocker pans in the backseat of her equally nasty Volkswagon Beetle, waiting to clog up the poor intestines of sweet, old Miss Janis. She doesn’t deserve to go like that, nobody does, which is why I have to stop her!”

Sebastian dug out his key ring and opened the front door, leading Ciel inside their warm home and toeing off his shoes. “Even if you did manage to nab Ronald for a few days, what make you think putting him within the same vicinity of a PTA meeting is going to do you any good? He might accomplish whatever little plan you have hidden up your sleeve but what about afterwards? That child lives off of human fear and destruction; he’d have the entire school in flames the minute you turn your back.”

Ciel pouted and shrugged off his coat, hanging it alongside Sebastian’s. “He’s not that evil, he’s a sweetheart to me.”

“Evil people are nice to evil people.” Sebastian muttered, catching the elbow Ciel jabbed into his ribs and pulling him to his chest. He kissed Ciel gently, wrapping his arms around the smaller’s lithe waist. “Kidding. But I still think you should let this go.”

“I will never let this go,” Ciel mumbled against Sebastian’s lips, eyes drooping slightly. “But I will make the exception of toning it down, just for you.”

“I feel honored,” Sebastian smiled, giving Ciel a few more kisses before pulling away and swatting Ciel’s behind gently. He jerked his head upstairs. “Go on, I’ll be up there in a few.”

Ciel nodded and made his way up the stairs, taking two at a time, yawning. Once he was out of sight, Sebastian reached into his back pocket and pulled out his cellphone. He waited until he heard the bathroom door close and the shower running before he quickly dialed a familiar number. The line rang for a few seconds before a familiar voice greeted him excitedly.

“Hello? You there?” Sebastian sighed softly, glancing at the staircase before heading towards the kitchen. “I need to ask you for a favor, Grell.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it! :D Tried to keep them somewhat in character but idk, it all happened so fast
> 
>  
> 
> [my tumblr](http://www.sebocchan.tumblr.com)


End file.
